Inept 34-year-old husband tells his wife of 5 years he's not ready to be a dad when she's 6 months pregnant, prioritizes gaming with his friends over her: 'He said she was putting too much pressure on him'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 9, 2024 8:00 PM EST

There's a time in your life when you've got to grow up. I'm not saying that you must get married, have kids, and abandon everything you loved when you were younger. You literally don't have to do anything of the sort, but the reality is that most people do end up getting married or having kids at some point. As a wise woman once said, "If you have a baby, you don't get to be the baby." If you choose to get married, you can't spend 8 hours a day playing video games with your boys like you did when you were 13. If your wife is pregnant, you can't just decide three-quarters of the way through the gestation process that you aren't feeling it anymore. A pregnant woman recently took to Reddit to share her experience with her man-child husband and the actions that led to her leaving him for good.

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    Cheezburger Image 10425440000
    via Oleg Ivanov (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for leaving my husband after years of putting his friends and family above me, and finding out he might not even want our baby?
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 03
    Hi, Evan (not his real name) since I know you might see this. I know you'll probably say I'm overreacting, but by the time you read this, it's too late. I've already left and made arrangements with a lawyer.
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 04
    Context: | (31F) married Evan (34M) five years ago. We've been together for about eight years. For the first couple of years, I honestly thought I'd hit the jackpot—he was attentive, thoughtful, and supportive, or so I thought. But as time went on, he slowly became more and more absent, putting his friends and family before me in every way possible.
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 05
    Background: Evan has this group of friends he's known since high school. They hang out constantly, and he's made it clear that they come first, even when it interferes with our life together. We'd have plans, and he'd cancel last minute because they "needed" him for some "urgent" video game session or to "help out." I didn't think much of it at first, but it got to the point where I realized I was always taking a back seat.
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 06
    Then there's his mom, who's... difficult, to put it lightly. She's never liked me, and Evan has never defended me or put up any boundaries. When she told me I wasn't "good enough" for her son at our engagement party, he laughed it off. At our wedding, she "accidentally" got into a fight with me over a small detail about our ceremony and has constantly undermined me since then.
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 07
    The Final Straw: I'm currently six months pregnant with our first child. Recently, Evan sat me down to tell me he's "not sure he's ready for the responsibility of a baby." When I told him it was a little late for second thoughts, he got defensive, saying he wasn't convinced "this was the right time" and that I was "putting too much pressure" on him. He mentioned he'd "talked it over" with his friends, and they all agreed he was "just being honest." That's when I realized that in his mind, their
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 08
    The last straw came a week ago. I had a small health scare, and he didn't even show up because he was "busy" with his friends. That night, I realized I couldn't rely on him, and I didn't want my child growing up in an environment where their father wasn't present and prioritized everyone else over them. So, I packed my bags and left. I'm staying with a friend for now, and I've made arrangements to file for divorce. I'm ready to build a life on my own for me and my baby, even if it hurts like I.
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 09
    Shichimi88 14h ago Top 10% Commenter NTA. Good luck. Not overreacting. Get him for all his child support.
    via u/Shichimi88
  • 10
    bombsquad_go20 Good luck! If he thinks you're overreacting, just remind him that child support isn't a suggestion it's more like a mandatory subscription service he signed up for.
    via u/bombsquad_go20
  • 11
    Spirited-Ad-3696 Nah, give him the option of waiving all parental rights first. Then if he chooses to be in the kid's life, he will look like an even bigger if he and moans about child support costs. He seems like the type to be stingy and do zero work, and then pull the "it's cruel of you to keep me away from my kid," routine. Bros who only care about hanging with their friends usually try to drop in and out of their kid's life whenever it suits them. They want to play at being a dad from time
    via u/Spirited-Ad-3696
  • 12
    Rad1 Red Good luck to you and your kid, OP. And Evan can eat sh
    via u/Rad1Red
  • 13
    sweetiebeenie OP Thank you so much! Your support means a lot right now, and trust me I'm ready to give my kid the life she deserve, with or without Evan. And yeah... he can eat sh for sure!
    via u/sweetiebeenie
  • 14
    tictactoss Seriously- she's already pregnant. He's beyond any form of redemption that instead of talking about his concerns about parenthood with his wife, he goes to his mates. Then sits her down to have the "I'm not ready' talk as if she'll magically give birth to puppies instead. He deserves a foot long sh sammich with all the sh toppings.
    via u/tictactoss
  • 15
    Unique-Challenge-700 NTA The time to be thinking about if he was ready to be a dad should've been made well before unprotected happened. And after 8 years it isn't just about him anymore. Sounds like he may have some narcissistic behaviors. Good riddance to Evan. Go enjoy your life and be the best mom you can be.
    via u/Unique-Challenge-700
  • 16
    catlolafat If it makes you happy. My cousin was like your husband. If his friends needed anything, he would ditch his significant other in a heartbeat. He had a great girlfriend that we all loved, but his friends told him to dump her since she called them out on their bs. She dumped him because per her, she wanted an adult, not a child. What happened was all his friends got married and the group broke up because the biggest jerk of the group stood up for their girlfriend. Now my cousin realized
    via u/catlolafat
  • 17
    ThorayaLast His misery gives me comfort. Hope his next relationship was better.
    via u/ThorayaLast
  • 18
    Alert-Potato You're putting too much pressure on him? How? By existing while pregnant? He's a moron and an a_h_le. If you are in the US, right now while you are pregnant, he can not control anything including your location. Once baby comes, you could be location locked. So go where you wanna be (where your support system/family is if you have that) before you give birth.
    via u/Alert-Potato
  • 19
    scarletnightingale Her pregnant belly being in view was reminding him that he going to have responsibilities other than gaming with friends, so yes, her simply existing while pregnant was putting pressure on him. He's definitely an idiot and an a_h_le. So are his friends, I bet not a single one of them has kids and I question of any are married.
    via u/scarletnightingale
  • 20
    Necessary_Internet75 NTA, at 34 he prioritizes friends and is a Mama's boy? Ridiculous. Get a really good lawyer and stop all communication with him except through the lawyer. Stay healthy for you and baby. You deserve more and your child deserves more than an overgrown frat boy. Good luck.
    via u/Necessary_Internet75
  • 21
    Character_Bowl_4930 At this age he isn't going to change. Especially not with mommy enforcing his behavior. Mommy doesn't want to be replaced and she'll make sure if it
    via u/Character_Bowl_4930
  • 22
    Away-Understanding34 Has he even realized you left? I hope you are going for child support and alimony. Make him pay. Maybe then he will grow up.
    via u/Away-Understanding34
  • 23
    _Impressive_Bee_ I'm sorry, but if *he* couldn't even show up when *you* had a health scare, that's all I need to know. It sounds like you gave him every chance to step up and be a partner, but instead, he's more invested in his video game squad and his mom's drama. That's not just "prioritizing others"—that's *actively* choosing not to be there for you in the most important moments.
    via u/_Impressive_Bee_
  • 24
    It's heartbreaking that he's not ready to be a dad, but honestly, you're doing the best thing for yourself and your baby. You deserve someone who will put you first, especially when you're carrying the weight of a child. It's not overreacting, it's self-preservation. You're building a future on your terms, and that's something to be proud of, not guilty about.
    via u/_Impressive_Bee_
  • 25
    Stay strong, you've got this! If anything, your baby is going to grow up in an environment where *you* are the strong, loving role model they deserve. That's worth everything.
    via u/_Impressive_Bee_

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